from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
