I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
