Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
