i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
