Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
