just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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