I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
