Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
its liver damage thursday
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
