insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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