so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We smell like vodka and hangover
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