I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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