went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
