I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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