he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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