What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there's paper in my vomit.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
