Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
