Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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