Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
