If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
