I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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