The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I forgot wine drunk hurts
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
