She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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