I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
