Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
