he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
