i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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