oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
