The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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