How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I still have a little drunk in my system
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
