Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
