So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
