I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
