I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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