And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
this hospital has no fireball
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
