Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
