walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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