Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
