Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
