I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
