put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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