nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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