I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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