So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
