my vag is so smooth its legendary
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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