The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
