i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
