is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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