I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
