Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
