i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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