so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I deserve this hangover.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
