can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
