When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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