so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
