I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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